But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
