Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
