time to smoke my breakfast
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize