I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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