I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
