she looked like the before picture.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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