Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
