saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
