Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

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(540): View more from Virginia

i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

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(425): View more from Washington

He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.

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(916): View more from California

this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse

(1-916): View more from California

People like that make this world a better place.

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(585): View more from New York

If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed

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(250): View more from British Columbia

He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?

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(217): View more from Illinois

My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser

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(440): View more from Ohio

You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.

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