you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
