There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize