Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
