That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
