i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
