I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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