it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
