It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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