i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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