90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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