I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
