I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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