it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
