we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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