he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
