She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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