fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
