The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
