There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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