girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
