Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
