you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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