i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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