i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
