Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
