Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
