my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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