her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
