Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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