The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
