Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
