I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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