dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
