Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is the high leading the old right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
