she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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