I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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