He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
