I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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