one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
