When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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