I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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