We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
