i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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