and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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