need another drink. this is the easiest way
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
