just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
