I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
