im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
