i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
