so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize