oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
