that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
