My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
