She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
