Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How's work?
Spinning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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