I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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