You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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