Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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