Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
